Domestic Violence

Dear Sanda,

  Its 9:22 pm here, I was feeling very sleepy a while ago but had to wake up because I heard the neighbours dogs barking so loud.  I heard a woman shouting and throwing stones, I thought the dogs were chasing her in the house, so she was in turn throwing  stones in self-defense.

No, it wasn’t so; she was in a big fight with her boyfriend. 

Sanda the guy was beating her with a belt like she was his daughter. He was using a belt, and I quickly run to the window to see for myself.

The gentleman had brought the lady out naked and was beating her, in a compound house. I heard whispering like he won’t let her sleep in his house because she was drunk.

Come on Sanda that is a more reason for him to keep her at his house till she gets sober. The man came out with her things and told her to go to where she was coming from. Is that not inhumane?

After packing her out, he quickly went in to lock his door inside.  

That was when the lady picked a knife and started stabbing it on the door, saying in the Akan Parlance “if you are a man come out”, the man made a good choice hiding like the coward he was. Because I was so sure the young woman will use the knife she had. As coward like him do, he remained in the room, you know what they call “Bo dua”, and she was going to curse him. The lady stripped herself naked and that was when the men in the house came out to beg her not to do anything of sort.

A woman who had been trying to stop the fight brought a cloth and covered the lady’s nakedness; she then took her to her room.

Sanda, as women we do lots of mistakes, 93% of us are culprits. As soon as a man proposes love to us, we feel that is enough guarantee to keep him. You see we claim the arranged marriages our great grandparents had is so  imposing on us. And we want the right to choose our husbands, some of us end up never getting married but will still have kids for the man in question.

 Does our African tradition teach us that?

I know of the man coming to pay the knocking fee  and doing the traditional marriage before you go to stay with him. But  Sanda during their time, they lived happily in their marriages and did not have the problems of being abused. Well I am not saying it wasn't happening, but we didn't see it happening in the full glare of the public, or we were not told.

Sanda, if we can be patient for the men come home  to ask for our hands in marriage from our parents, don’t you think that will have been better?

Because on one hand, no matter how disrespectful he is, he will give your folks some reverence. It saddens my heart when we sell our dignity so cheaply to men who do not deserve to even keep a woman.

I believe a man who has no respect for a woman does not deserve one. Just saying it like it is.  These men , once  they have two or three kids with you will later tell you their parent want them to marry a woman from their clan.

Sanda, they knew that before they sweetly deceived you of an undying love which never existed. Just lustful desires to satisfy their  animalistic passion, once that is served, you just get dumped.

Well I wished I knew this woman so I will give her some friendly advice, I think she should report the act to the police. Domestic violence leads to death, she might have been lucky this time around, but the next lady won’t be so lucky. It might end up with dire consequences.

Sanda I think I should go to sleep now, poor woman, I wonder how she is feeling.

 This coward slowly comes out of his room and is slowly talking to the woman who saved the poor lady. How I wished I had the powers of a house fly. I will have loved to hear what he was telling her. I really have no iota of respect for men who beat women, at all. Instead I hope the police will step in and send them to jail without trial, indefinitely.

I am not the woman, but I wish I can get access to her this night. Some good friendly advice will make her feel better, i have this bad feeling she will go back to him after that thrashing. The man has to serve some jail term, but it’s not going to be so, since they made up after that thrashing.

I am ending this letter on  a sad note.

 Good evening and have a lovely night.